The Formula of Unconditional Love

Literature, philosophy, and experience have long sought to define love, but I believe one formula holds true:

Love + Hope = Unconditional Love.

To understand this, we must break apart each value. Love, in this context, is putting another above oneself—to place their life, their well-being, before your own. Hope is the belief in something without reason or logic—to trust in an idea without proof, to accept uncertainty as truth.

Thus, unconditional love exists when we combine the act of selflessness with the willingness to believe in someone without justification.

Some may argue that for unconditional love to exist in this way, it depends on the condition of this formula. But just as 2+2 will always equal 4, no matter what occurs in the past, present, or future, this formula will always hold true. Love and hope exist in a state of duality, each relying on the other to form unconditional love. Therefore, unconditional love does not come with a condition—it simply is.

Now, what does this mean? Does unconditional love exist in a single moment or forever?

The answer is simple: unconditional love is a moment. It may last a lifetime, or it may flicker and fade, but its existence is defined by the presence of both love and hope at once.

We have the possibility to love unconditionally for eternity, for a fleeting moment, or in waves throughout our lives. Time is merely a perception of this love—it does not dictate its existence.

This is where the hopeless romantics struggle. The idea of love at first sight is often dismissed, yet under this formula, it is entirely possible.

Because if, in a single moment, we feel both love and hope—that this person will be the one, that we would put them above ourselves even in the unknown—then, in that instant, unconditional love exists.

Those who do not believe in love at first sight are missing either love or hope—perhaps they have been hurt before, perhaps they have seen too much of the world. But loss of belief does not mean something does not exist. It only means they have closed off part of themselves to it.

For many, the first time we love, we love unconditionally.

We enter love with both hope and love in full force. We believe in the idea of this person without question—we place them above ourselves without hesitation. This naivety, this raw purity, is the most dangerous state of all.

Because unconditional love puts us at our most vulnerable. It places us in a position where we can be broken beyond repair. And for most, that first heartbreak destroys either their ability to love without restraint or their ability to hope without reason.

Some will continue to love, placing others before themselves but without hope—they expect it to fail, they prepare for loss before love has even begun. Others will continue to hope, believing in love but refusing to be vulnerable, refusing to lower their walls, holding others to impossible standards.

To love again—to truly love again—one must have the courage to become vulnerable once more, to lose themselves again, even if it means they will be destroyed once more. The constant act of becoming and unbecoming.

Now, we must speak of the nihilists and the absurdists.

The nihilist believes that nothing matters, so why bother? Why try? Why love? They have neither hope nor love—unwilling to put another before themselves, unwilling to believe in an unrational world.

The absurdist believes that there is no meaning, but that we have the power to create it. They hold hope—hope in their ability to forge meaning in a meaningless world—but they lack love, for in an irrational world, self is all that can be trusted.

But unconditional love is the act of overcoming both. It is the act of saying, “Nothing may matter, but I will love anyway.”

It is the ultimate defiance against meaninglessness. To love without reason is to rebel against the void.

As we enter February, the month of love—or the lack thereof—many will question their relationships, and many will question their solitude.

For those in love, ask yourself: Do you truly love unconditionally? What is holding you back?

For those alone, ask yourself: Are you allowing your pain to keep you from loving again?

When we learned to ride a bike, we fell countless times before we found our rhythm. Why should love be any different?

Do not give up on hope. Do not give up on love. Because when you continually open your heart to love, the world opens its heart to you.

To love is to exist. To love is to rebel.

To love is to be broken and to be whole.

To love is to accept the absurdity of life and overcome nihilism itself.

This formula, this idea of unconditional love, did not come to me from experience, but from a dream. It was only when pen met paper that these thoughts became real.

Our minds internally dictate our external reality. If we believe in love, we control our own fate in an unforgiving time.

Many fail to see the connection between mathematics and philosophy, but they, too, exist in duality—one cannot exist without the other. Just as love and hope form unconditional love, so too do rationality and abstraction form human thought.

If we truly understand mathematics, we begin to understand philosophy.

If we truly understand philosophy, we begin to understand love.

And once we understand love, we begin to understand life.

So I tell you now—do not give up on love. Do not give up on unconditional love.

Love unforgivingly, mercilessly, without reason.

Love like you have never loved before.

Your life is not your career. Not your education.

Your life is your willingness to love.

-Noa Nocciola